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Memoirs of a Girlfriend - by Sharon Toh

You can't change what's been written, but you can always write something new.

[ June 2006 ] [ August 2006 ]

Memoirs of a Girlfriend - July 2006

what men want

July 31st 2006 07:31

After some thought, i kinda figured out what men don't want.

they don't want a whingy girl, someone who yaps on about miniscule things, making them seem as though they are the biggest problems in the world.

they don't want a clingy girl, who makes them feel as though they are the only thing in the world that can make her happy, and without him her life would be doomed.

they don't want a girl who is completely independant, who would make them feel useless in her life..

they don't want a girl who constantly criticizes and complains about every little fault about them..

they don't want a girl who thinks that the guy is perfect because they will have expectations that makes a guy feel pressured to make her happy.

instead.. they want

a girl who can handle her problems.. a girl who isn't afraid to say no to things she doesn't like.. a girl who doesn't rely too hard on other people's opinions.. they want a girl who has her own life, who is able to have fun without them, who is able to carry on life if their relationship did not turn out. they would want a girl who isn't selfish, who cares about them but other things as well.. they want a girl who has no expectation of them. they want a girl who appreciates everything they do.

its kind of hard because most girls crave for a romantic relationship and expect so much of their man.. so don't expect anything girls, perhaps he will do something nice for you and catch you by surprise - which is the best thing ever!

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opportunity

July 28th 2006 00:46

opportunity plays the biggest role in the starting up of all relationships. It may also play the biggest role in the break ups as well.

Alot of people may not have experienced what it is like to be in love, due to the lack of opportunity that meets their way. Perhaps they are not exposed to new people, or perhaps they don't take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to them.

Now comes to the nitty gritty part.. The opportunities presented when you're about to break up. During your relationship, you have the opportunity to meet new people as well.. But what if you don't, what if you feel as though you cannot meet anyone else and you decide to stay with them because you feel as though you cannot 'do better'. So when someone better does come along, are you willing to let go of your partner to be with the better someone? Is that your intent to stay in the relationship - to avoid being lonely? I'm not saying that everyone feels that way, its just alot of people stay in a relationship to prevent themselves from being out in the cold on their own.

But staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy to kill time is just going to take away the opportunity you have to engage in a better relationship with someone else.

I say, when relationships don't work out, don't blame yourself.. blame opportunity!

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the ideal man

July 25th 2006 14:31

Lately for the past couple of years, I've had all the time in the world to think about what I really want in a man. I've met different types of guys who have opened up various aspects of the world to me.. I've met a guy who I thought was the absolute ideal person until I thought deeper about it. Just thought it might be interesting to perhaps list a few characteristics I would want my ideal man to possess. I'm sure alot of other women would feel the same way inside.

Down to the very basics, the ideal man must be honest: he must not lie, cheat or deceive. He must be wise and be able to teach me more about the world and myself. I want a man to make me become a better person, to encourage me and to support me while i'm weak. I want him to be strong and also be able to show his weak side at times. I want him to be able to engage endless conversations. I want him to show respect, to take in consideration my opinions and ideas. I want him to be loving and caring and to never grow tired. I would want him to put up with me and accept me for the way I am.

Superficially, I want a man who would go out of his way at any time to my need. I would want him to come from a nice family with nice friends. I would want him to have a future and direction. I would like a guy who remembers special dates and is full of surprises. Small gifts from time to time, little unexpected notes here and there, lots of reassuring love.

Most of all, I would love a guy who would change for me. The most important thing I find in a guy would be his personality and his loyalty.

Obviously I will not find a man who would fufill every single criteria i have just mentioned.. so compromise takes its place from then on..

I am sick of love games. I really am, and I'm sure many of you are as well.. Sweet talk and extreme random acts of kindness are just meaningless to me now.. I feel manipulated when guys do that..

I really want to find the man I will marry and just settle down into life.. I want to get to know him well - both the bad and the good.. My previous post concerned consequences dealing with the future, perhaps I was wrong.. perhaps I was just too scared of becoming heartbroken all over again.

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the future

July 23rd 2006 08:04

how painful is thinking about the future when you're about to break up!

The future of every relationship is uncertain, I really advise for any successful relationship to refrain from talking about the future. But then again I guess that is what a long-term relationship is based on right?

Its just so painful when you reflect back to all the good times you had with that person, and all the conversations you's had regarding the future.. conversations such as, finding a home to live in, places to go holidays together with, things to do with each other.. etc etc

Perhaps you all see me as a confused naive adolescent.. I've talked to older people about relationships and the problems that I'm talking about are miniscule. One person talked about splitting the value of this house her and her ex-fiance had bought because she realised that she was with the wrong person after 6 years. 6 YEARS!! She must have gone through alot of thought to have given him up. They had actually DONE something about their future (ie. bought a house together) and thrown it away. I'm just lamenting the thought of throwing away shared thoughts of the future.

But then, the future is what holds a relationship together.. You may stay with someone because you believe you have a good future together (Apart from love). I know it sounds selfish, but its true. If you love someone you'd want to marry them, you'd want their babies, you would want everything that couples in love do. Don't tell me that you would spend the rest of your life loving someone if they didn't want to marry you.. that's just obsession. Love isn't exactly completely from the heart.. Its from the head too.

I say, focus on the present. Don't talk about the future. Do something about it. It becomes too uncertain and ends up in heartbreak if things don't turn out the way you wanted them to.

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when love becomes obsession

July 20th 2006 12:13

When theres nothing going on in your life and someone of interest drops by, you tend to do insane things for that person in hopes that they will notice you.. Thats usually the case of men, those who do the chasing. At first they seem like they're really into you and would do anything just to please you.

Then... after you give in to the niceness of it all, you fall for them. They know you've fallen, they know how much you like them, they take a step back and have a breather. The sudden loss of interest alerts you. You become the one who will do crazy things for them.. Then they start realising your faults..

When a man has reached that stage, allow them to step back, as far as they want.. don't bother chasing after them.. don't guarantee that you'll still "be around" by the time they step back in. A guy like this is not worth being with. You'll always find someone better to be with, and that's guaranteed.

Do not confuse love and obsession. Love lasts a lifetime, obsession is temporary.

If a man loves you, he will always try to win you, he will never feel as though he has won you over. He will perform small acts of kindness all the time.

If a man is obsessed with you, he will try to win you for a short period of time, then back off and watch you chase him with delight. Or he will become possessive, and try to take over your life.

So if you're in a relationship, think hard to yourself.. Do you really love them? or are you just obsessed about them? Are they treating you the way you deserve to be treated?

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