I found this post my friend wrote to me about 2 years ago, it presents an interesting perspective of what its like to be a 'nice guy' :
It’s amazing that dickheads can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are dickheads at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. It's a charade.
They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what dickheads their predators really are, they pretend like the dickhead is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the dickhead into a nice guy, but dickheads will always be dickheads.
She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the dickheads. But she claims to love the dickhead… now this is where the theory begins.
She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the dickhead right away, instead she will stay with the dickhead. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another.
They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their dickhead boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t that naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend.
Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A friend.
They don’t say, “Oh he’s a hot cunt” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the dickhead.
So it pretty much evens out for them. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the dickhead gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action…
Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the dickhead is because dickheads ignore the girl they are with. Then women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the dickhead.
They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The dickhead finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to tap this ass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even though all she has won... is a dickhead.
Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a listener you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the dickheads because there are always nice guys there to listen.
Once you realize that you are a listener you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever.. unless she realises it. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on.
It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an dickhead her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another dickhead.
Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys everywhere! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect dickhead, but there is no such thing as the perfect dickhead. All in all, the nice guy gets the shift.
To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your dickhead to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all
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can you really count the things you do for each other in a relationship?
I often find that many people ask you what your partner does for you, and uses that as a measurement of how much they think your partner may love you.
Questions such as "Does your partner see you everyday?" "Do they cook for you?" "Have they done anything special for you lately?"
I try to not think about what your partner does for you, because they may be a person who does alot for everyone -eg. their friends and family.. I believe its more of how they treat you, if they nice to you, if they thoughtful and whether or not you're happy to be with them..
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Sharon Toh
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