Sharon TohHow Desirable Are You?
October 10th 2008 09:48
By that, I don't mean, "Did you remember to trim your nose hairs this morning, and are you still on speaking terms with deodorant?"
What I do mean is, how appealing are you as a long-term companion? This line of thinking was brought on by the random memory I had today of a dinner guest my family once had.
This man (I have deliberately avoided using the term "gentleman" for reasons that will be obvious to you soon) was in his mid-30s, a business acquaintance of my father's, and he had told my dad that he wanted to get married but hadn't been able to find a suitable woman.
Being the all-purpose problem-solver he is, my dad invited him to his small group, which had its share of attractive, eligible thirtysomething women. And, since this meeting took place on a weekday evening, my father invited him to dinner at our house first.
My brother and I kept quiet throughout dinner as this man gulped down food in second and third helpings, finishing the communal Chinese-style dishes without checking to see if the others at the table had had our fill. He barely gave our maid a second glance when she brought the dishes out, let alone thanked her. Treating maids like furniture (moving furniture that cooks, cleans and hangs out the laundry) is quite common in Malaysia but that doesn't make it right, I think. Throughout dinner, he didn't seem to have a lot to talk about other than himself. I don't remember that he showed my father any appreciation for what appeared to have been his first home-cooked meal in many years. (Evidently, he didn't believe in learning to cook in preparation for meeting that elusive woman.)
Later that week, my brother asked my father, "Is this guy earnestly, seriously wondering why he isn't married yet?"
I don't know. Maybe he thought that since there was nobody at the table to impress, there was no need to be on his best table behaviour. But I think the man worth marrying is the one who's always aware of his surroundings, selfless enough to see if his host's children have had enough to eat, gracious enough to thank the host or his household help for preparing and serving dinner.
So the question from my subject line is really not about appearance, it's about substance. Are you someone my family would invite back for dinner? That doesn't matter so much, since you're not likely to meet us in person; but somewhere out there, a girl and her family might well be considering whether you're welcome to be a part of their family for the rest of your life.
What I do mean is, how appealing are you as a long-term companion? This line of thinking was brought on by the random memory I had today of a dinner guest my family once had.
This man (I have deliberately avoided using the term "gentleman" for reasons that will be obvious to you soon) was in his mid-30s, a business acquaintance of my father's, and he had told my dad that he wanted to get married but hadn't been able to find a suitable woman.
My brother and I kept quiet throughout dinner as this man gulped down food in second and third helpings, finishing the communal Chinese-style dishes without checking to see if the others at the table had had our fill. He barely gave our maid a second glance when she brought the dishes out, let alone thanked her. Treating maids like furniture (moving furniture that cooks, cleans and hangs out the laundry) is quite common in Malaysia but that doesn't make it right, I think. Throughout dinner, he didn't seem to have a lot to talk about other than himself. I don't remember that he showed my father any appreciation for what appeared to have been his first home-cooked meal in many years. (Evidently, he didn't believe in learning to cook in preparation for meeting that elusive woman.)
Later that week, my brother asked my father, "Is this guy earnestly, seriously wondering why he isn't married yet?"
I don't know. Maybe he thought that since there was nobody at the table to impress, there was no need to be on his best table behaviour. But I think the man worth marrying is the one who's always aware of his surroundings, selfless enough to see if his host's children have had enough to eat, gracious enough to thank the host or his household help for preparing and serving dinner.
So the question from my subject line is really not about appearance, it's about substance. Are you someone my family would invite back for dinner? That doesn't matter so much, since you're not likely to meet us in person; but somewhere out there, a girl and her family might well be considering whether you're welcome to be a part of their family for the rest of your life.
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