Sharon Tohmoulding your partner into your ideal
September 8th 2006 09:08
There might be some things about your partner that really tick you off that you just wished they could change! Minor problems such as not washing the dishes, not putting the toilet seat back down or just general bad habits.
In Sex and the City, Charlotte had a 'teabag situation' problem with Harry who had just moved in, he would leave teabags around the house and she would have to pick up after him.. Miranda had a problem with Steve's dirty laundry that had 'skidmarks' that she had to clean up after him.. and yet, they handled their problems well and in the end potentially are the ideal men for them.
Rachel, confronted me with a problem concerning her boyfriend Michael.. "I find it really disturbing when guys don't shave after the 3rd day and I keep telling Michael to shave but he doesn't bother.. I want him to dress up nicely for special occasions, but he wouldn't on my birthday.. I'm just going to wait to see if he surprises me on our one year anniversary" He sounds like a slob to me who needs coaching on how to romance a lady. I'm sure that if a guy liked a girl enough, he would do anything to make her happy. Perhaps Michael is just a guy who'd prefer a casual relationship and Rachel needs a bf who is a bit more cliche.
Its hard to not want to change some things in your partner.. It is nice to accept them for who they are and to love them for that, but if the little things bug you then you either have three choices: leave them, tolerate, or change them.
I guess those are minor details that you can change in your partner to mould them into your ideal. I'm not too sure about the larger problems.. If they're depressed all the time, brighten up their lives and perhaps they will do the same to you.. If they're insecure of you, secure them by telling them you love them and show them that you care.. If they have a problem with you going out with your friends, knock some sense into their head and make them understand you..
Its a bit tough at first, but you'll succeed, they'll understand, and you'll have the ideal hassle-free relationship you were looking for.
In Sex and the City, Charlotte had a 'teabag situation' problem with Harry who had just moved in, he would leave teabags around the house and she would have to pick up after him.. Miranda had a problem with Steve's dirty laundry that had 'skidmarks' that she had to clean up after him.. and yet, they handled their problems well and in the end potentially are the ideal men for them.
Rachel, confronted me with a problem concerning her boyfriend Michael.. "I find it really disturbing when guys don't shave after the 3rd day and I keep telling Michael to shave but he doesn't bother.. I want him to dress up nicely for special occasions, but he wouldn't on my birthday.. I'm just going to wait to see if he surprises me on our one year anniversary" He sounds like a slob to me who needs coaching on how to romance a lady. I'm sure that if a guy liked a girl enough, he would do anything to make her happy. Perhaps Michael is just a guy who'd prefer a casual relationship and Rachel needs a bf who is a bit more cliche.
Its hard to not want to change some things in your partner.. It is nice to accept them for who they are and to love them for that, but if the little things bug you then you either have three choices: leave them, tolerate, or change them.
I guess those are minor details that you can change in your partner to mould them into your ideal. I'm not too sure about the larger problems.. If they're depressed all the time, brighten up their lives and perhaps they will do the same to you.. If they're insecure of you, secure them by telling them you love them and show them that you care.. If they have a problem with you going out with your friends, knock some sense into their head and make them understand you..
Its a bit tough at first, but you'll succeed, they'll understand, and you'll have the ideal hassle-free relationship you were looking for.
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Comment by Anonymous
jon> perhaps we could educate the guy on what they should be like!
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Comment by mlxo
i think you should confront them about what bothers you, because in the end they're there to make you happy.. perhaps they don't know that it bothers you so much.. nothing really matters much in the beginning, its until you start to get to know each other and reach that level of comfort that things start bothering you.
Comment by Addy
however, in telling them, i think it is just as important to consider HOW you communicate - if you respond i frustration and anger (as is most likely as you will be annoyed at their "lack of consideration") they will only respond in a defensive manner, possibly getting angry and frustrated back.
and give them time. habits are hard to break. and while they try to break those bad habits, be supportive and THANK THEM when they make an effort.
Comment by Johanna
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Comment by Barracuda
It causes tears and heartache to both parties. And in the end 10 years down the line of time they change back.
You can never change/mould/educate a person. They have to do it themselves, WITHOUT your help.
People do not change. If you cannot accept (100%accept) your partner JUST AS HE IS then it is time to find a different partner.
Harsh but true.
This is the end of my comment but below is a blatant push for a higher readership for my blog.
Read DatingBarracuda!