Sharon Tohthe ideal man
July 25th 2006 14:31
Lately for the past couple of years, I've had all the time in the world to think about what I really want in a man. I've met different types of guys who have opened up various aspects of the world to me.. I've met a guy who I thought was the absolute ideal person until I thought deeper about it. Just thought it might be interesting to perhaps list a few characteristics I would want my ideal man to possess. I'm sure alot of other women would feel the same way inside.
Down to the very basics, the ideal man must be honest: he must not lie, cheat or deceive. He must be wise and be able to teach me more about the world and myself. I want a man to make me become a better person, to encourage me and to support me while i'm weak. I want him to be strong and also be able to show his weak side at times. I want him to be able to engage endless conversations. I want him to show respect, to take in consideration my opinions and ideas. I want him to be loving and caring and to never grow tired. I would want him to put up with me and accept me for the way I am.
Superficially, I want a man who would go out of his way at any time to my need. I would want him to come from a nice family with nice friends. I would want him to have a future and direction. I would like a guy who remembers special dates and is full of surprises. Small gifts from time to time, little unexpected notes here and there, lots of reassuring love.
Most of all, I would love a guy who would change for me. The most important thing I find in a guy would be his personality and his loyalty.
Obviously I will not find a man who would fufill every single criteria i have just mentioned.. so compromise takes its place from then on..
I am sick of love games. I really am, and I'm sure many of you are as well.. Sweet talk and extreme random acts of kindness are just meaningless to me now.. I feel manipulated when guys do that..
I really want to find the man I will marry and just settle down into life.. I want to get to know him well - both the bad and the good.. My previous post concerned consequences dealing with the future, perhaps I was wrong.. perhaps I was just too scared of becoming heartbroken all over again.
Down to the very basics, the ideal man must be honest: he must not lie, cheat or deceive. He must be wise and be able to teach me more about the world and myself. I want a man to make me become a better person, to encourage me and to support me while i'm weak. I want him to be strong and also be able to show his weak side at times. I want him to be able to engage endless conversations. I want him to show respect, to take in consideration my opinions and ideas. I want him to be loving and caring and to never grow tired. I would want him to put up with me and accept me for the way I am.
Superficially, I want a man who would go out of his way at any time to my need. I would want him to come from a nice family with nice friends. I would want him to have a future and direction. I would like a guy who remembers special dates and is full of surprises. Small gifts from time to time, little unexpected notes here and there, lots of reassuring love.
Most of all, I would love a guy who would change for me. The most important thing I find in a guy would be his personality and his loyalty.
Obviously I will not find a man who would fufill every single criteria i have just mentioned.. so compromise takes its place from then on..
I am sick of love games. I really am, and I'm sure many of you are as well.. Sweet talk and extreme random acts of kindness are just meaningless to me now.. I feel manipulated when guys do that..
I really want to find the man I will marry and just settle down into life.. I want to get to know him well - both the bad and the good.. My previous post concerned consequences dealing with the future, perhaps I was wrong.. perhaps I was just too scared of becoming heartbroken all over again.
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Comment by >=)
Comment by Anonymous
yumin
P.S. i miss u chick, where are u these days eh?
Comment by Anonymous
I'm working hard on the lying and future part... the family I can't help...
What would be your advice to someone who says I'm not good enough, considering that I'm more than willing to change any and all aspects that fall short of being their "ideal"...?
Comment by ..
but as for the lying! women cannot stand liars!! nearly every single one of my relationships, i have been lied to!! WHY?? honestly is the most important thing in a relationship! is it in the male genes to lie?!?!?!
Comment by memoirsofagirlfriend
To anonymous, those that you mentioned were the 'superficial' things i would have wanted in a man.. Its things that you are willing to let go of easily if not present.. If you're willing to change, then you're always going to be good enough. You just have to let a woman see your true potential.
Comment by memoirsofagirlfriend
Comment by >=)
chikitty china >,<
Comment by Alan
Someone who is selfish, in the sense that she cares so much about her own direction in life and well-being that she will not stand for anyone or anythign that gets in her way.
She wont be lazy, she won't be whiny, she wont be shy, she'd basically be a take charge no-nonsense character, when it comes to that part of her life.
Guys would NOT be able to bend her to their little whims and insecurities and she would not be the type to were her heart on her sleeve. (Dont get me wrong i dont want a narc... she's gotta have a ggod sense of humour and be a social queen as well!)
People that i feel are talking about changing for one another or doing things (that they dont WANT to do) for one another, suffer from a power complex, and feel the need conciously or sub-conciously to flex their relationship muscles with subliminal threats. I feel its rather sad... They are insecure themselves and are searching for reassurance from bending their partners to their desire, using their happiness as leverage.
Its such a turn off....
Guys aren't complex.. you might not believe it sometimes. We say what we mean, we're attracted to hot bodies and girls that look after themselves, and we're attracted to girls that we can TALK to... ever notice how jealous you get when you see your boyfriend engage in an entertaining, laughter-filled, eye-brow-forrowing conversation with a girl? Of course you do, because he genuinely finds her interesting and is actually enjoying the conversation they're having. Is it possible he finds her more interesting than me? Does he like her? Maybe he thinks i'm boring?
All of the above could very well be true, at THAT moment in time...
In conclusion, its not about what you do for them, the sacrifices you volunteer to make or how well you you suck his dick.
Its about getting along, and being able to enhance each others lives, its about being able to chill out at home with a bottle of wine and just chat.
So i dont know what my point really was, but i know i disagreed with most of what manda has said...
now i know i may come accross as some kinda serious anal tool. But rest assured, i am quite the opposite.
Comment by Anonymous who wrote the 18:01 comment above
I've found that to be extremely hard for myself. I guess one reason is every time I get close, something goes wrong... usually my fault...
Any advice on the best way to show potential?
What would you look for to see if a guy had potential?
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Heej
Dota Stars
But I think it is possible to come across someone that is so great and so perfect that they become your ideal... And when that happens you truly feel like the best person in the world...
I almost lost that feeling recently, and I'm working hard now to get it back : )
There is a comment above by .. that says they've been lied to by every guy... Do any other women share this experience? Are all men liars?
Comment by memoirsofagirlfriend
Heej>> I believe that all guys lie.. In fact, I believe that it is human nature that is to blame.. All people lie to hide the truth that they don't want to reveal for their own reasons. Perhaps they haven't settled into life yet and don't want to hurt their partners, perhaps they don't know what they want and lie their way through life.. I don't think that we should limit liars to just men, women also lie. We lie to protect ourselves and others from the truth, however devasting or brilliant it may be.
Comment by Anonymous
Sorry to disappoint, but this is not what men do. Maybe you should be looking for the perfect woman?
I'm a guy and seriously wonder what a woman truly wants. Because I bet even if such a man existed who wanted "endless conversations", and treated you like a princess, you'd probably start to complain that he was too soft and that you wanted a bit of rough stuff. Woman don't even know what they want!
Also where are all perfect women? They're like gold dust.
Comment by Anonymous
Therz no pont in bending to her viewz coz u luv her true heartdly...nd not try to make her bend to yourself...
...FIND THE COMMON THING IN BETWEEN YOU ND HER..WORK TOWARDS IT WITH DEDICATION....at the end of the road look back....no onez ther...just u and ur partner...with everyone around....
Comment by Rhiannon
He could be all these things but there still might not be that connection, that attraction, he would just be that really swell guy. I think these thoughts of 'ideals' ruin our sense of realism. Nice as it is to think about it, do we really want a perfect man? In the real world, wouldn't that make us girls feel rather imperfect and not good enough? Make us paranoid he might wake up one day and realise he could do better? Let's face it, the girls would be queuing up if such a man existed.
I think the most important thing is finding a guy who you can love, despite all his flaws and faults and in addition to this, a man who can love us back despite all our faults. And that is a hard task.
In the meantime, while you wait, i advise reading lots of sappy romance novels - works for me.