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Memoirs of a Girlfriend - by Sharon Toh

 
You can't change what's been written, but you can always write something new.

what men want

July 31st 2006 07:31
After some thought, i kinda figured out what men don't want.

they don't want a whingy girl, someone who yaps on about miniscule things, making them seem as though they are the biggest problems in the world.

they don't want a clingy girl, who makes them feel as though they are the only thing in the world that can make her happy, and without him her life would be doomed.

they don't want a girl who is completely independant, who would make them feel useless in her life..

they don't want a girl who constantly criticizes and complains about every little fault about them..


they don't want a girl who thinks that the guy is perfect because they will have expectations that makes a guy feel pressured to make her happy.

instead.. they want

a girl who can handle her problems.. a girl who isn't afraid to say no to things she doesn't like.. a girl who doesn't rely too hard on other people's opinions.. they want a girl who has her own life, who is able to have fun without them, who is able to carry on life if their relationship did not turn out. they would want a girl who isn't selfish, who cares about them but other things as well.. they want a girl who has no expectation of them. they want a girl who appreciates everything they do.

its kind of hard because most girls crave for a romantic relationship and expect so much of their man.. so don't expect anything girls, perhaps he will do something nice for you and catch you by surprise - which is the best thing ever!
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10 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by jon

July 31st 2006 09:25
Great post! I agree with everything you said except you left out looks which are very important to most guys. I think it takes many women years to realise most of the points you have in your post -- some never do.

Comment by Heej

July 31st 2006 15:40
An interesting point Jon...

But I find it hard to understand the analysing of relationships. I guess it's because I haven't been in enough, but you make it sound as if all guys want this and that and most girls don't understand that, which is problematic... ("It takes many women years to realise... some never do")

I think the problems lies right there - where people try to systematise and categorise everything... Girls want this, guys want that, if you don't have it then you can't have a good relationship...

I figure it works or at least should work more on an individual basis, where by just talking and communicating about what you want and don't want, you should be able to figure certain things out without the need for stereo-typing and premeditating on what you should and shouldn't do...

I mean of course there are certain basics... like I believe a man should know how to respect a woman... You know, especially these days, there's just so much of this "womanising" - I guess, not sure if that's a fitting word, but that egotistic attitude that men are "better" or should be treated better...

But in the end, I think it just works if you think, "What do I want?" and "Do I do anything that I wouldn't want done to me?"... We're all of the same species and I think if you're willing enough to listen and to understand, just as you would any other person that means something to you, then there really is no need for any sort of stereo-typical analysis and a "should' or "should not" list...

What do you reckon? (Remembering that I haven't been in many relationships~)

Comment by Anonymous

August 1st 2006 04:41
Heej, u make some good points, but it doesn't matter that u havent been in many relationships- think of those who havent been in any EVER! but what she points out in this entry are just the basics of a successful relationship- but i agree communication is soo important. and, Heej, yes this society is becoming more corrupt! Most people out there are wild and a bit overly open-minded, making it almost impossible to find a decent person to be with...everybody is too into 'having fun' (i.e. sleeping around, or getting around- whats the point of it, if you jus end up alone after?), but i believe that life is so much fun if at the end of the night, u have someone who you love, and who loves you too... i think i totally changed the topic...haha, great blog though.

Comment by Anonymous

August 1st 2006 11:30
Err. My girlfriend is completely independent and thinks that I'm perfect and I want no one else.

Comment by mlxo

August 1st 2006 11:58
I don't believe that that's all that a man wants/doesn't want.. rather i'm just pointing out the few things that women are completely unaware of..

I believe for a relationship to be successful, there must be compromise between both parties.. and yes, communication is vital!

Comment by Cibbuano

August 2nd 2006 00:31
I think sexual compatibility is very important but is dismissed too easily. People think that, if they're in love, the sex will naturally be fantastic... unfortunately that's not true, and it can lead to a lot of stress.

mixo, can you send me a message with your email address? thanks!


Comment by Anonymous

October 23rd 2006 06:37
I am a 33 year old single woman, never been married, never had kids. I was in a relationship from the
time I was 17 for ten years. The advice I would give to all young people out there is this... Your best
off being yourself, living your own life like your never going to find your 'soul mate'. When you live
life like this you achieve everything you set out to... you see the world, you have a successful career
in your chosen field, you make and maintain great friendships, you become a strong, independent,
interesting person. Just the kind of person your soulmate will want. If somebody hurts you or the
relationship of the moment 'isn't quite right...' move on. Thank the person for their time and leave.
There is no need to analysis what went wrong, what they did, what you did. It doesn't matter.....

Comment by mlxo

October 23rd 2006 08:05
thank you to the anonymous 33yo lady! thats the best advice i have ever heard!

Comment by Jason Z

October 11th 2007 23:26
Actually, let me make some clarifications to what men don't want, vs. what we do want, from an honest, humble perspective...

Indeed, Men do not want whiny girls in terms of ones who whine about miniscule things, or things that have no relevance towards the relationship between him and you, especially if you make yourself bitchy and ignore his needs and destroy the mellow environment of the relationship by doing so. Otherwise, we love to hear what is on your mind and what irritates you, but please be reasonable. Right Attitude is important.

Actually, there is an error about Men not wanting clingy girls. There is a correlation between clingy being constructive, and clingy being destructive. Most current Men aren't aware of why they really don't like clingy girls, but for the ones who don't, it is usually because they fear a girl becoming clingy on Impulse and poor reasoning, or otherwise becoming manipulative of the situation in not trusting him if she begins to get possessive over it.

For me, I actually LOVE clingy girls, IF the clinginess is due to her natural, reasonable admiration and respect for me, and natural desire to create something fulfilling with me, rather than based on impulse. For us Men, we seek a different type of Security in Women. We seek Security in her decisions and Logic in what she wants. We do not want to be with someone who changes their mind overnight. And, in turn, she must not become possessive due to her clinginess. But, it can be very positive because cliginess translates to neediness, and when two people are needy (in the right form) but also both have and offer high expectations, than great results and purpose can found the relationship.

This might sound very abstract or like the "wrong" information to you, simply because you are so used to hearing popular opinion, and automatically prefer to embrace popular opinion as a replacement for truth. Afterall, it is the very reason why deceit is much more interesting to people than truth.

Absolutely, we do not want a girl who is completely independent. We want her to be an independent thinker and reasoner... We want her to be dependent upon us however, for fulfillment in the relationship, and her humbly allowing us to be her protector and provider, with the assumption that she will be comforting and nurturing, and very appreciative of what we men do best. (Or what we should be doing best).

If you do outline a fault about us, please make sure it is one with reason and logic too it. And make sure we are given appreciation in areas where we are due.

We like a girl to think we are perfect, if we honestly "are" perfect in their mind, not for the girl to "think" we are perfect in their mind. Many times, girls paint images in their minds about how they want a guy to be, rather than who or what he really is. If the guy is wise, he will be able to construct and determine as to whether or not he is being seen as he really is face value, to the girl...

A guy should have anticipate that a girl should have some expectations of him, and he does not, then you ought to not bother with a spineless fool as such.

Jason

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