Sharon Tohwhat men want
July 31st 2006 07:31
After some thought, i kinda figured out what men don't want.
they don't want a whingy girl, someone who yaps on about miniscule things, making them seem as though they are the biggest problems in the world.
they don't want a clingy girl, who makes them feel as though they are the only thing in the world that can make her happy, and without him her life would be doomed.
they don't want a girl who is completely independant, who would make them feel useless in her life..
they don't want a girl who constantly criticizes and complains about every little fault about them..
they don't want a girl who thinks that the guy is perfect because they will have expectations that makes a guy feel pressured to make her happy.
instead.. they want
a girl who can handle her problems.. a girl who isn't afraid to say no to things she doesn't like.. a girl who doesn't rely too hard on other people's opinions.. they want a girl who has her own life, who is able to have fun without them, who is able to carry on life if their relationship did not turn out. they would want a girl who isn't selfish, who cares about them but other things as well.. they want a girl who has no expectation of them. they want a girl who appreciates everything they do.
its kind of hard because most girls crave for a romantic relationship and expect so much of their man.. so don't expect anything girls, perhaps he will do something nice for you and catch you by surprise - which is the best thing ever!
they don't want a whingy girl, someone who yaps on about miniscule things, making them seem as though they are the biggest problems in the world.
they don't want a clingy girl, who makes them feel as though they are the only thing in the world that can make her happy, and without him her life would be doomed.
they don't want a girl who is completely independant, who would make them feel useless in her life..
they don't want a girl who constantly criticizes and complains about every little fault about them..
they don't want a girl who thinks that the guy is perfect because they will have expectations that makes a guy feel pressured to make her happy.
instead.. they want
a girl who can handle her problems.. a girl who isn't afraid to say no to things she doesn't like.. a girl who doesn't rely too hard on other people's opinions.. they want a girl who has her own life, who is able to have fun without them, who is able to carry on life if their relationship did not turn out. they would want a girl who isn't selfish, who cares about them but other things as well.. they want a girl who has no expectation of them. they want a girl who appreciates everything they do.
its kind of hard because most girls crave for a romantic relationship and expect so much of their man.. so don't expect anything girls, perhaps he will do something nice for you and catch you by surprise - which is the best thing ever!
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Comment by jon
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Comment by Heej
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But I find it hard to understand the analysing of relationships. I guess it's because I haven't been in enough, but you make it sound as if all guys want this and that and most girls don't understand that, which is problematic... ("It takes many women years to realise... some never do")
I think the problems lies right there - where people try to systematise and categorise everything... Girls want this, guys want that, if you don't have it then you can't have a good relationship...
I figure it works or at least should work more on an individual basis, where by just talking and communicating about what you want and don't want, you should be able to figure certain things out without the need for stereo-typing and premeditating on what you should and shouldn't do...
I mean of course there are certain basics... like I believe a man should know how to respect a woman... You know, especially these days, there's just so much of this "womanising" - I guess, not sure if that's a fitting word, but that egotistic attitude that men are "better" or should be treated better...
But in the end, I think it just works if you think, "What do I want?" and "Do I do anything that I wouldn't want done to me?"... We're all of the same species and I think if you're willing enough to listen and to understand, just as you would any other person that means something to you, then there really is no need for any sort of stereo-typical analysis and a "should' or "should not" list...
What do you reckon? (Remembering that I haven't been in many relationships~)
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Comment by mlxo
I believe for a relationship to be successful, there must be compromise between both parties.. and yes, communication is vital!
Comment by Cibbuano
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mixo, can you send me a message with your email address? thanks!
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Comment by Anonymous
time I was 17 for ten years. The advice I would give to all young people out there is this... Your best
off being yourself, living your own life like your never going to find your 'soul mate'. When you live
life like this you achieve everything you set out to... you see the world, you have a successful career
in your chosen field, you make and maintain great friendships, you become a strong, independent,
interesting person. Just the kind of person your soulmate will want. If somebody hurts you or the
relationship of the moment 'isn't quite right...' move on. Thank the person for their time and leave.
There is no need to analysis what went wrong, what they did, what you did. It doesn't matter.....
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Comment by Jason Z
Indeed, Men do not want whiny girls in terms of ones who whine about miniscule things, or things that have no relevance towards the relationship between him and you, especially if you make yourself bitchy and ignore his needs and destroy the mellow environment of the relationship by doing so. Otherwise, we love to hear what is on your mind and what irritates you, but please be reasonable. Right Attitude is important.
Actually, there is an error about Men not wanting clingy girls. There is a correlation between clingy being constructive, and clingy being destructive. Most current Men aren't aware of why they really don't like clingy girls, but for the ones who don't, it is usually because they fear a girl becoming clingy on Impulse and poor reasoning, or otherwise becoming manipulative of the situation in not trusting him if she begins to get possessive over it.
For me, I actually LOVE clingy girls, IF the clinginess is due to her natural, reasonable admiration and respect for me, and natural desire to create something fulfilling with me, rather than based on impulse. For us Men, we seek a different type of Security in Women. We seek Security in her decisions and Logic in what she wants. We do not want to be with someone who changes their mind overnight. And, in turn, she must not become possessive due to her clinginess. But, it can be very positive because cliginess translates to neediness, and when two people are needy (in the right form) but also both have and offer high expectations, than great results and purpose can found the relationship.
This might sound very abstract or like the "wrong" information to you, simply because you are so used to hearing popular opinion, and automatically prefer to embrace popular opinion as a replacement for truth. Afterall, it is the very reason why deceit is much more interesting to people than truth.
Absolutely, we do not want a girl who is completely independent. We want her to be an independent thinker and reasoner... We want her to be dependent upon us however, for fulfillment in the relationship, and her humbly allowing us to be her protector and provider, with the assumption that she will be comforting and nurturing, and very appreciative of what we men do best. (Or what we should be doing best).
If you do outline a fault about us, please make sure it is one with reason and logic too it. And make sure we are given appreciation in areas where we are due.
We like a girl to think we are perfect, if we honestly "are" perfect in their mind, not for the girl to "think" we are perfect in their mind. Many times, girls paint images in their minds about how they want a guy to be, rather than who or what he really is. If the guy is wise, he will be able to construct and determine as to whether or not he is being seen as he really is face value, to the girl...
A guy should have anticipate that a girl should have some expectations of him, and he does not, then you ought to not bother with a spineless fool as such.
Jason
Comment by Anonymous351
I would just like to reaffirm something that you said with a bit more explanation. Men do want the same things women want for the most part.
You want a man that is independent, but also needs you. You want a man that can listen to you, but also opens himself up. You want a man that is serious and focused, but is also humorous and laid-back. You want a man that is set on his career, but also set on spending time for love and quality time with you.
Unfortunately as said before, the normality of society nowadays is deteriorating and the type of men that feel this way are dwindling in number. But the same can be said for women. It truly is unfortunate.
Best advice I can give is from the Bible. Love the person you're with as you would yourself. I ask of everyone to really think hard on this concept, to love someone as you love yourself. What are you doing to the one you love, that you wouldn't do to yourself. If would do something to yourself that is morally wrong, then I suggest you fix it before getting involved with someone.
Would you harass yourself? Would you hit yourself? Would you emotionally starve yourself? Would you ignore your own need for love? Would you cheat yourself? Would you ignore your own desires and wishes?
I do believe 33yo woman has it right. The best way to live is to be yourself, live your life by your own standards and be happy with who you are. Be content with who you are and the better off you will be in a future relationship. Truly being content and accepting of who you are is the first step towards a successful relationship. How could you possibly have a successful relationship when you aren't at peace with yourself yet? I think we all need to spend more time on who we are and what makes up us before we go out seeking someone to be one with us. Other people can't solve the problem or issues within ourselves, only we can do that, but they can be there as emotional support to aid us. Aid us, not do it for us.
My advice on choosing someone. If they don't treat you the way you know they treat themselves, or if they don't care of themselves, don't get involved with them. Those people are still trying to find and peace at peace with themselves.